Governor Newsom Declares California
A Coronavirus-Free Zone
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Newsom has declared California a coronavirus-free zone, instantly eradicating any threat of coronavirus infecting anyone in the state.
The executive action makes any possession of coronavirus a state felony.
"When you declare something illegal, it is instantly gone forever," Newsom said solemnly. "That's why I'm taking immediate executive action to declare the possession of coronavirus a felony at the state level. Top scientists all agree that the best way to get rid of something is to ban it."
"That oughtta do it."
Anyone caught possessing the banned virus will be subject to prosecution. The state is also setting up bins throughout major cities where Californians can turn in their now-illegal coronaviruses to be melted down and destroyed.
After learning that the virus infects humans, Newsom also banned all humans from the state of California. Luckily, the politicians in Sacramento were not affected.
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